Figuring out the beautiful unworthiness.

Everything is by the grace of God
and it has happened in this way:
He took the unchecked heart in my chest –
the rock that hadn’t really breathed deeply –
He took it and kissed it,
all warmth and light
flowing endlessly from endless lips
that whispered holiness.
I was a submerged fortress,
the sunken battlegrounds of a long-fought war
for a trivially important soul.
And He was there
and He opened the dam,
releasing a salty ocean of
never-me and
better-alone.
Some unheard-of mercy bathed some unrighteous girl
in good truth that made her better
than she would have been.
And I should have earned it.
I should have died for mercy like that
but something made You want me.
I am a mess of a human,
like a worn-through slipper
or a burned-out candle.
I take hold of the universe like it belongs to me
and I think I can jerk the reins
I’ve thrown around You’re neck.
I am foolish with my heart
and I am proud and I am scared.
I throw dust onto the things I create
like I grew the ability in my own garden
and decided that this was the way I would
impact the world.
This was the thing that needed grace
and You gave it to me.
I am the bitter water flowing
from a broken cistern.
And this is all Him,
in all the ways.
This is grace that knows me
and wants me,
and that should be enough.
I am only shadows,
but You see me in the dull light.
Claimed by an untamed God.
Fed mercy from the hands of
Love.
There are no words that can describe it
and I can do nothing
but say it.

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