A Disruption

This is what I’ve decided:

I am done believing the lie that all anger is sinful.  I am done being told that I am disagreeing with the Bible when I disagree with a preacher.  I am done sitting still in a pew while a person on a stage tells me to cheer for him, to make him feel great for “just preaching the Word.”

I will no longer encourage the worship of leaders and pastors.  I won’t cower in the back row while someone tells me, under a guise of loving redirection, that God has not called me to do certain things because I am a woman.  I won’t accept the notion of “equal, but different.”  That idea didn’t get us far the last time we tried to make it true.  So yes – I will continue to sit in my seat on the bus.

I will lean into this anger, because I love the Church and I love Jesus more.  And I can’t sit still and quiet when the ones I love are manipulated, deceived, or oppressed.  I will call for context, details, and interpretations from across the aisles.  I will praise God when truth is spoken, and no one else.  I will hold leaders accountable.  I will challenge those who have power, even if I am afraid.  I am so tired of being afraid.

I will unclench my fists, because while quick heat lights fires, only steady oxygen keeps them lit.  I will refuse to give in to bitterness.  I will refuse to let anger become me.  I will refuse to close my eyes and ears.  I will loosen my grip, too.

I will create a disruption.  I will overturn tables in the Temple.  I will read the Word aloud.  I will sit at the feet of Jesus and learn, a passionate rabbi-in-training, then I will go out and preach.  I will give people water, I will see them as people, not projects; I will relinquish my souls-saved tally, I will invite those who have been turned away, I will beg forgiveness for the sins of my people.  The Gospel does not offend because of who it leaves out.  It offends because of who it lets in.

I won’t close the gate.  I will push aside the guards and I will pry open the wrought iron bars, even if no one comes to help me.  Even if everyone does.

This is what I’ve decided.