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he grinned.
This is Him.
Jesus.
Only Jesus.
He was the Messiah,
promised on the earth.
The spirit of truth.
He would soften hearts.
He was the Master.
He loved.
I do believe, Lord.
Help my unbelief.

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Desperate.

No, he’s not.
He’s not going to die. He keeps saying he’s going to be the slain lamb, but he’s not.
Sometimes he gets pretty zealous.
We’re trying to put it out of his mind.
The God’s Son thing is totally fine, we’ve assured him.
Messiah? Awesome. Be the Messiah; save us.

But not like this.
He’s got it in his head that this is the only way to make it right.
We tried to distract him.

The other day we went to Jerusalem, you know, trying to show him.
We thought maybe if he saw how much the people loved him,
how excited they were to see him –
Maybe then he’d realize he didn’t need to die for us.

It almost worked, too. The crowd was wild, and he was happy to see them.
We thought perhaps he had changed his mind.
But he insisted on riding that donkey in; we told him we could find him something better,
but he said this was what had to happen.
We should have known then.
We grew up hearing the prophecies of old.
We should have seen the way things were playing out.

But you must understand –
We were afraid.
He is our best friend.
He is our Teacher and our brother and
we can’t lose him.
What would we do without him?
He can’t leave us, not like this.
Not yet.

We didn’t want to believe.
We didn’t want what was about to happen.

He’s not going to die.
He can’t leave us like this.
How can this be the will of the Father?

He says it will happen soon.
We’ve run out of options.
We can’t convince him to put a stop to it any other way.
He even washed our feet, going on all Messianicly cryptic,
promising, if not with his words,
then with his eyes,
that everything would be okay.

Those eyes have always been enough.
Even when we didn’t understand his words,
his eyes always made sense.

We don’t want to lose them.