A Revelation Psalm

A Revelation Psalm by Courtney Raymond

When I found myself in the last moment –
The last battle,
that deeper place, my real country –
Standing on the other side of the door to my life –
I was, at last, ready to receive the name
You reserved for me.

All at once the Hen who took me under Her wing
and the Rider atop His steed,
You stood before me.

In the silence and the magnitude of
joyous stillness,
I was knighted.

And I finally knew who I was
The way I had known all along
Deep in my heart and soul and the rest
of the hidden depths inside me –
I knew who I was but it was more than I
ever could have imagined.

Standing in my new knighthood,
Priestess among the priesthood –
the questions of a life already lived flowed from me.

How have You called me the name I have
longed for
my whole life
When not even I knew what it was I
How have You known me so well,
And how have I known myself so little?
When did you see the furthest reaches of my soul –
Where was I looking when you set an expedition
into the wastelands of my heart
And found among the brambles the
hidden treasure trove buried there?

Yet there I was,
and am.
Once-hidden manna clutched in my once-wanting hand.

Here I am, standing in all the glory I
never knew possible,
And You want me.
And there I was, standing in the scorched-earth desert –
And You wanted me then, too.

After all this time searching for my title,
my heart,
my self –
You had it all along
Waiting for me to claim it.

Revelation 2:17

The making known of a secret.

It’s a strange revelation for a writer:
to discover that there are many things
for which words were not invented.
So it has to be enough
to immerse myself in the existence
and trust that the reality is not lost
simply because I can’t understand it.

Maybe this is the point of all our words –
to finally skid haphazardly into the place
where everything just comes apart.
It might be that this is the permission:
to rest in the midst of the melting words
without the need to glue it all back together.