Page eighty-three.

This again.

_____________________

freedom,
in the darkest hour.
trust in the Messiah.
freedom
at the crossroads.
the long-awaited promises of deliverance
would come to earth.
a great star will live
and Jesus
had come.
the people were free.

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Heliotherapy

This.  You should read this first.

_______________________

It was a crawling, creeping darkness,
gathered up in miniscule blue bottles,
stoppered with stifled feelings of
not enough
not known
not right.
Bottles hidden in the crevices of a
soul held captive.
And under the weights of
inadequacy, there was a bleeding heart,
alive and beating
as if nothing else in the world mattered.
A deception of life.
But stones do not have a pulse
and that meant nothing made sense.
Without learning to swim,
the whirlpool was a trap,
and spinning
spinning
spinning,
we discovered that it didn’t have a bottom.
Our insides defy the laws of
logic,
those truths we’ve been fed:
that the ground always stops gravity
and
whatever pushes us can be pushed back.
But our eyesight never failed us –
even when we wished it would –
and the distant light
was always visible.
It mocked but
it healed,
promising a hope we couldn’t accept
but had always clung to.
Sinking
into the
not worthy
not blessed
not wanted –
that light remained.

And then there was a day.
We smashed the blue bottles
and stared at the shards.
Perhaps.
Because feeling something
is better than being a stone.
We wish, now,
that we could’ve seen one another then.
That day when we wondered.
When the wondering terrified us
and thrilled us
more than anything else had in a while.
Maybe if we could’ve wondered together,
the ones who were brave
and the ones who were too afraid
could’ve held on to each other.
Because pain and shame
are very similar.
Both create marks.
Visibility doesn’t matter.
The darkness has a special light of it’s own:
perverting the definition of bravery.
Perhaps.
But also,
perhaps the bravery could go both ways.
Sinking
into the
be better
be stronger
let someone else fight this –
a truer light remained.

Because then there was a day.
The first day when waking was
not a burden,
when
hey, how are you?
could be answered with
fine, you?
and the smile wasn’t a lie.
They say the sun is expanding
and will one day consume this
dying earth.
Light becoming fire,
eating away at the dried-out darkness.
It is like that.
And when the flames engulf one home,
they engulf them all.
It is like that,
too.

The stones in us
are in us all.
As the spinning
spinning
spinning
goes on
on
on,
it only becomes clearer
that first we are cursed
but second we are cursed together.
Even the worst that could happen
enveloped that one blessing.
Not alone
not forgotten
not passed by.
And maybe there isn’t an escape.
Maybe there is only running –
from the black fog,
to the flaming sun.

I don’t know about you,
but don’t mind the sprint.
It is the closest I’ve been
to freedom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shall I shudder or shy away from that which I have made? Or am I not the One who told the dark how dark to be, that My great light might shine more gloriously in comparison? I hold all this together. Alone.
Tallahassee, by Abraham the Poor

Page four.

Just another altered book poem (have you guessed what the original book was about yet?)

____________________________

you love your quizzical house.
The revolutionist really did want to save
But how?
by blood, by death.
salvation for the people
wandering the wilderness.
the writers would hasten salvation.
the house demanded one innocent man,
promises made years ago.
the God of Israel
would die
but
the whole world would be better.